Fade to Black
by Dean Ocean
Summary: Keeping holds of precious memories is harder than one might think. Sometimes insanity is the only sane answer to imprisonment. During Sirius's stint in Azkaban.


**FADE TO BLACK**

_**Getting lost within myself**_

Sirius was sleeping, his body sprawled across a double bed and sheets tangled around his waist and legs. His feet were bare and exposed to the air; every once in a while his toes twitched as if they felt naked and cold. His mouth was open and a small amount of drool had collected on the pillow that was crumpled under his head. His dark hair stood out in strange ways from his head, the shaggy cut starting to suffer from serious bedhead syndrome.

Remus was watching him sleep. He had perched himself at the end of the bed, knees resting against the mattress. His brown hair showed signs of going prematurely gray, and his eyes watched Sirius with a careful intensity. He could see the muscles on Sirius's back, and the pale skin of his legs that was sprinkled with dark hairs. He could see the pillow prints on his arms where they had been stuffed a moment, and were now hanging limply at his sides. They were the only signs of wrinkles in his young body.

"Sirius?" Remus whispered as he crawled up the length of the bed.

Sirius grumbled something in his sleep but didn't move. Remus touched him, ran his hands over Sirius's back and across his shoulders. He even let his fingers play in Sirius's unkempt hair. He tried to smooth some of it down, but the hair was uncooperative. Even Sirius's hair was rebellious. Remus pulled on the sheets Sirius was tangled in, pulling them loose around the man's nude waist.

Sirius groaned and slowly rolled himself over. He itched his bare chest, and slowly opened his pale eyes to look at Remus. "What do you want?" His voice was dry and cracked.

"You," Remus said with a soft smile. He leaned forward and kissed Sirius's mouth gently. His nose wrinkled as he pulled back. "-have morning breath."

"I do not. The undeniably handsome do not get morning breath." Sirius rubbed his eyes, wiping the sleep from them. He reached down and pulled the sheets away from his body opening them up some so he had more range of movement.

"Obviously you're not undeniably handsome, because you have morning breath." Remus stretched himself out next to Sirius. He ran his hand across Sirius's stomach as he settled in next to him. Remus wore only a simple pair of boxer shorts over his otherwise naked body, his skin pressed against Sirius's.

Sirius glanced at Remus, shifting his eyes and skewing his face to stare at the man next to him. "I am so." He said it around a crocked smile that made his eyes gleam.

Remus made a noise and shook his head. Sirius responded by jabbing Remus in the ribs. "I am so," he insisted.

Remus squawked when the finger caught his skin. He groaned and rubbed the spot. "Quit beating on me, I'm going to have bruises."

"Sorry," Sirius said, leaning towards Remus. He kissed him, settling his mouth over his lover's with gentle precision. His tongue slid forward and was given free reign of Remus's mouth. Remus slid one hand up and cupped Sirius's chin.

When Sirius pulled back Remus's eyes were shining. "That's more like it."

Remus kissed Sirius this time, leaning forward to push on Sirius's body. Remus used the strength in his arms to push himself on top of Sirius. Sirius groaned into the kiss, and pulled the sheets from his body. He used blind arms to wrap the cloth around both of them, settling Remus's weight between spread thighs. Mouth to mouth Sirius felt Remus touch his side and move downwards. His hands touched Remus's back and slid down to pull on the waistband of his shorts; with a strong yank they slid away from Remus's waist and over his body to rumple around his thighs. Sirius grinned into the kiss they shared, his hands sliding over Remus's smooth behind.

Sirius was already hard when he felt Remus's hand reach for him. Remus's skin felt cool, and his hand cooler. Sirius pushed his hips against him. Then Remus's mouth was cold, and his tongue was down right chilly. Without warning the hand on his groin turned to ice. Sirius screamed….

_**Emptiness is filling me**_

Sirius's eyes flew open, and he looked wildly about the tiny cell he occupied. His skin crawled with the cold, he could feel it seeping into his veins and chilling his bones. In the dark it was hard to see anything, but he felt for the tin cup he had. His hands closed on it and he hurled it in the direction of the cell bars. It bounced against them and fell to the floor with a loud clang.

The tall creature on the other side drew back away from the bars, only to approach them again. Scaled fingers reached out from the depths of black rags to clasp the bars. Sirius felt the ice crawl over his back where sweat was freezing. He screamed at the creature. It pressed against the bars and reached a long arm through, razorlike claws snatched at the air.

Sirius cackled as he watched the claws swipe at nothing but air. His voice echoed inside of the stone walls of the prison. The creature eased away from the bars and slid away down the hall, taking with it the cold that had turned Sirius's body like ice. Sirius slowly pulled himself to his feet. His haggard body crept forward his fingers wrapped around the metal bars of his prison. He pressed his face against the bars, hard enough that he felt his flesh bruise with it. He watched with wide, hollow grey eyes as the creature vanished into the ever-darkening tunnel. He could hear other prisoners howling with agony, screeching and their voices echoed inside of his cell and inside of his head.

He stepped back and let out a shout towards the ceiling. He threw his head back and laughed again. His shoulders rolled forward and he drove himself in a small circle around the cell with a spin. "You can't have him!" he sputtered through his laughter.

Sirius stopped spinning, and weaved as he stood there, helplessly dizzy. He fell forward and caught himself on the hard wall. He dug his nails into the stone, feeling them break and peel back painfully as he sank to the floor. His legs curled up beneath him, and he stared at the stone with a soft expression. His teeth were black and in dire need of care when he smiled. He stroked the cool stone with his hand, leaving behind bloody trails where his fingernails oozed.

"You can't have him... No. They can't have you." He petted the wall and his expression was irreverent. His shoulders eased and his body loosened. His dark hair fell before his eyes, but they remained open and staring blankly at the wall. "They'll never take you. I made certain of it. You hate me now. You'll always hate me, now. They can't take you away can they, Remus? No. They won't ever take you away."

Sirius rolled himself over and sat facing the cage bars again. He cackled.


End file.
